I feel like i’m more shocked I made it through the past three years more than anyone else. This whole university experience has been truly life changing and i’m definitely going to miss it a lot. I studied photography at GCSE through to A-Level and it was the only subject I enjoyed and felt at peace doing. Suffering with anxiety and depression made education really hard but my photography lessons filled me with so much calm and ease because there was no pressure, I could create what I wanted (within reason). After taking a year out, to have a break from education, I then joined university with very basic technical skills in photography, editing, lighting etc etc and that scared me because it thought everyone was going to be much better than me; but the tutors soon proved that did not matter. First year was tough, I had no idea what I was doing, I was so incredibly anxious (I couldn’t even step into lidl I was so anxious) and I felt that I wasn’t ever going to progress. At the end of that year things went from bad to worse and I was ready to drop out. However, I decided to stick with it, which is when I started getting help for my mental health and even started medication, which saved me to some degree. Furthermore, James Arthur Allen was introduced as my tutor and he changed my mindset COMPLETELY. I started exposing myself to a wider range of photographic genres and photographers themselves, as well as not putting a label on my work. Although I still struggled mentally with talking about my work, I started pushing myself to show my work to visiting photographers and actively started taking part in crits more often. Second year really shaped myself and my photography, I started to explore what I was interested in; i started looking at my family, my mum’s paganism, spirituality, symbols, construction and more. Hitting my third and final year I was more motivated than ever and I finally achieved my first ever FIRST which was great for my confidence because I had spent two years seeing all my peers reaching that first level, but not myself. I am now finishing off my final ever university project and its the most bittersweet feeling ever. On the one hand I am so proud of how far i’ve come, how much i’ve grown up and the way my photography has progressed but on the other hand I am so sad uni is over because i’ve met my best friends and the BEST tutors ever and I never want to lose those relationships (but i guess i’m also so relieved the stress is over haha).
At this stage I feel really motivated and confident in launching myself into the real world but i still struggle with that idea of imposter syndrome, am I actually good enough for the photographic industry? I don’t know, I guess only time will tell. What I do know though is that as long as I work hard and am confident, I will get where I want in my life. Right now i’m focusing on trying to find a place to live, settle and get a job for now before I start getting stuck into new photographic practices. I have lots of ideas in mind in terms of personal projects as well as career paths. I would like to use the next five years to take a break from education and then start researching where I would like to do my MA in photography, because i’m currently playing with the idea of lecturing. The reason I am so interested in this is because I feel so incredibly grateful for everything my tutors have taught me over the past three years, not just in photography but also life lessons, and I would like to pass my knowledge on to the next generation. Most importantly, right now I am proud of myself and my photography. I owe an awful amount to the past three years and I can’t wait to see what the future has in store for me.